Week 17: Wood before Fire

Striking the match (spiritual thought)

So, I've been sort of struggling a bit with a few things. Today, when we called our families, I spent 3 hours just talking gospel stuff, and all of my concerns. I normally like to keep my thoughts to myself, because I want to figure things out before I speak sometimes, especially when they are about things of possible eternal consequence. But I decided to let all my family into my head. Everyone shared different thoughts, opinions, and perspectives, and it was very helpful. So first lesson, talk about things, because we learn from each other. If I'm being honest, I've been fasting, praying, and studying trying to have a manifestation that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer, and the Savior and Redeemer of all mankind. I want to know for myself that Jesus Christ really is who everyone says he is, and that this is actually his church. I've been getting kind of frustrated because I feel like nothing is happening. One thing my Dad said first though, is that if he were God, he wouldn't give me a manifestation yet either, because I'm not ready for it. He said it seems like I'm holding back, and I think I am. He asked how I would react if I got a manifestation, and I honestly said I'd be pretty depressed because then I'd be obligated to do all that is expected of me, and actually give my whole soul to the gospel. And that was something I've already been thinking about, but my dad put it into words perfectly. He said

"I think if I were going to light a fire, I'd like all the wood and kindling ready before I strike the match."

I've been asking for God to strike the match, and give me the witness I desire, but I am not really ready for it. My dad gave me an invitation, that I've been trying to do, but can do better at, which is stop caring about yourself and what you want, and just get lost in loving the people. It's easier said then done, but I've definitely been thinking more about myself than anyone else, and more about what I need than what our friends need. So that is my new/resurrected goal is to do just that. I'm going to start placing more wood in the fireplace by just doing my best to love and help the people here, and then trust that the match will strike when I have been sufficiently prepared to receive it. I'll receive the witness when I'm ready to act on it.

Baptism

We had two baptisms, Cristian (10) and Yosmary (9). They are both just really intelligent, and exciting kids. They're always bouncing around and they always have so much to say. It was a fun day. Elder Rochelle was going to baptize Yosmary, and I was going to baptize Cristian, but as we were both changing, Elder Rochelle said he felt like I should baptize them both. So I did, and they both seemed very happy and excited. On Sunday, they both also received the Gift Holy Ghost.

Singing

I sung "Oh my Father" in sacrament meeting. One of the Elders, Elder Schoeny asked me if I could join him in the musical number, and I said sure! I'm trying to be righteously impulsive and not turn down missionary opportunities. It was my second time actually performing in front of audience, but the first time was singing Peaches by Bowser at Fsy. That was all silly, but this one was actually serious. I wish I had recorded it so y'all could listen to it but I forgot. Sorry. It was a great experience though. I was shaking so much because I was nervous that it just sounded like I had really good vibrato. It was fun.

Pictures

- at the baptism