My emails look a lot like my journal entries. I sort of just talk, and I'm worried I share too much, lol. Anyways, this past week has been good. Nothing crazy happened, we've just been doing lots of classes, scripture study, Spanish study and prayer. Although there is a bit of sad news though about our house.
Our House
One of the elders in our house went home on Monday. He had mentioned this past week about how things were not going well back home, and how he really felt he needed to be there. None of us wanted him to leave, and I'm worried that it wasn't the spirit that was telling him to go home. I hope he is able to come back out on a mission when he's ready. The problem with that though is that you're never really going to be ready. Often, you just have the take a step into the dark. So, right now we're down to 8 elders in our house. But, we're gonna be 7 on Monday. One of the other elders is going home early, because he talked to some of the leaders, and there are some things he's got to take care of, but he'll be coming back out in 4 months. This one, I do feel was the right choice, as sad as it is to see him leave. He wanted more than anything to stay out here, but he also said how he feels so much peace now, since he's not only serving a mission, but is also going to do it right. I admire his willingness to obey, even when it is very hard.
Spiritual thought
OK, it's kind of funny, because I've had this realization like 5 different times, and then I forget it, or I'm not as diligent, and then I have to relearn it. I'm really trying to just apply this lesson to my mission. We were doing a practice lesson with these two Hermanas from a different district, and I was getting really frustrated. We were supposed to answer this question "How can I know that God loves me?" Like individually, and not me or my companions could find anything. I realize now that my day up until that point hadn't been ideal either. I wasn't taking things as seriously as the first week, and I should have been more involved in learning. With the excitement wearing off, and this all feeling more routine, it's hard to keep the enthusiasm high. I decided to tell them honestly how I felt, and how I was feeling frustrated. I told them that today especially, I was frustrated how I wasn't feeling the spirit as strongly as I had at back home. They had to give their lesson in Spanish, but I was able to understand enough to know what they were talking about. One Hermana shared the poem footprints in the sand, which is a popular, and very good poem. You should go read it, but in short, it talks about how Christ doesn't abandon us in our times of struggle, but he is the one who carries us through them. As much as I like this poem, it wasn't what I needed to hear. But, it did remind me of a poem that had the message I needed to hear that day. Most people don't know this, but there is a sequel to footprints in the sand. It's kind of funny, and sort of a joke, although it also has a very powerful message. Don't judge a book by its cover, but it's called "Butt prints in the sand." It goes like this:
One night I had a wondrous dream.
One set of footprints there was seen.
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.
And then the strangest print appeared.
I asked the Lord, "What have we here?
This print is large and round and neat,
But Lord, it's much too big for feet."
"My child," He said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and gained no strength."
"You laid quite still. You would not grow.
This walk is not for me, you know.
So I got tired. I got fed up.
And there I dropped you on your butt."
Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must walk, and one must climb,
And one must rise and take a stand;
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."
As you can see, it's sort of a funny poem, but it was really what I needed to hear. There are two lines in particular that hit me. The first is "I challenged you to walk in faith." This day in particular I felt that I couldn't really feel the spirit, and I realized that I was being challenged. The past few months, maybe year, Jesus has been carrying me. He carried me through school, hockey, and the first few weeks of my mission. However, we're not meant to be carried through this life. We're meant to learn and grow, and we can't do that unless we're making a conscious effort. This walk is not for the savior. The savior didn't do all of this for him. Your life is yours, and Jesus doesn't ask us to live his gospel for his sake. He suffered and died for you, so that you could have the chance to live in joy forever. "This walk is not for me you know." You journey is your own, and if you refuse to grow, I think more often than not, Christ will drop you. He won't leave you. He'll still walk with you, and he'll carry you when you really need it, but this is your life. Sorry for writing so much, but I enjoy it. Thank you for making it this far!! I hope it was worth reading.
- Elder Wride
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