Week 18.5: Without Jesus, there is Nothing.

Sorry y'all, I don't really have time to write a whole bunch. Also all the days sort of blend together, so I don't even really remember what happened this week, except Elder Rochelle and I went 3 full days speaking only spanish (i dont know how you foreign missioanries do it). My head hurt baaaddd. But, this week is transfers, and so P-day was changed to today! Elder Rochelle is leaving me, but I hear my new companion is really cool. We got lots of pictures this week because Elder Rochelle was saying a bunch of final goodbyes, so you guys will get to see some more of the people we're teaching!

Spiritual Thought

I think that this is all that I really have time to share, but I did a lot of thinking and writing (per usual). One thought I had was about what kind of witness I'm looking for, and where I'd be getting it from. I've been praying for a witness that it is either true, or a witness that it isn't. As I thought about this, I remembered something my brother Ethan said. "Without Jesus, we're all screwed." And the fact that Without Jesus, there is nothing, took on a whole new meaning. How would it be physically possible to receive a witness that the church isn't true. Because if it isn't true, then there is nothing for me to receive a witness from. If we are all just floating on a ball in space, then there'd be no way for me to find out the church was true, because you can't get a confirmation from something that doesn't exist. So the only reason I would ever claim that it isn't true, is if I gave up in searching. So basically, don't give up. Too many people have claimed that this is true for it to just be tossed aside. And if it's true, it's worth the pain.

Zone miracle

So another cool thing, at the beginning of the transfer the ZLs and STLs promised everybody in the zone that if we practiced Daily repentance, that we would have 18 people either baptized or on date by the end of the transfer. Two days ago, we were at 16, and we were able to put our friend Erick on date, and the two sisters in our District put two of our other friends on date. So we got 19. It was just really cool because it was a scary goal to have, and a big promise. But when someone prayerfully promises you something, you can expect it to come true if you put in your real best effort. God's promises are his, and he cannot lie.

I think it's really funny to take the picture before everyone is ready.

- Elder Wride

Week 17: Wood before Fire

Striking the match (spiritual thought)

So, I've been sort of struggling a bit with a few things. Today, when we called our families, I spent 3 hours just talking gospel stuff, and all of my concerns. I normally like to keep my thoughts to myself, because I want to figure things out before I speak sometimes, especially when they are about things of possible eternal consequence. But I decided to let all my family into my head. Everyone shared different thoughts, opinions, and perspectives, and it was very helpful. So first lesson, talk about things, because we learn from each other. If I'm being honest, I've been fasting, praying, and studying trying to have a manifestation that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer, and the Savior and Redeemer of all mankind. I want to know for myself that Jesus Christ really is who everyone says he is, and that this is actually his church. I've been getting kind of frustrated because I feel like nothing is happening. One thing my Dad said first though, is that if he were God, he wouldn't give me a manifestation yet either, because I'm not ready for it. He said it seems like I'm holding back, and I think I am. He asked how I would react if I got a manifestation, and I honestly said I'd be pretty depressed because then I'd be obligated to do all that is expected of me, and actually give my whole soul to the gospel. And that was something I've already been thinking about, but my dad put it into words perfectly. He said 

"I think if I were going to light a fire, I'd like all the wood and kindling ready before I strike the match."

I've been asking for God to strike the match, and give me the witness I desire, but I am not really ready for it. My dad gave me an invitation, that I've been trying to do, but can do better at, which is stop caring about yourself and what you want, and just get lost in loving the people. It's easier said then done, but I've definitely been thinking more about myself than anyone else, and more about what I need than what our friends need. So that is my new/resurrected goal is to do just that. I'm going to start placing more wood in the fireplace by just doing my best to love and help the people here, and then trust that the match will strike when I have been sufficiently prepared to receive it. I'll receive the witness when I'm ready to act on it.

Baptism 

We had two baptisms, Cristian (10) and Yosmary (9). They are both just really intelligent, and exciting kids. They're always bouncing around and they always have so much to say. It was a fun day. Elder Rochelle was going to baptize Yosmary, and I was going to baptize Cristian, but as we were both changing, Elder Rochelle said he felt like I should baptize them both. So I did, and they both seemed very happy and excited. On Sunday, they both also received the Gift  Holy Ghost.

Singing

I sung "Oh my Father" in sacrament meeting. One of the Elders, Elder Schoeny asked me if I could join him in the musical number, and I said sure! I'm trying to be righteously impulsive and not turn down missionary opportunities. It was my second time actually performing in front of audience, but the first time was singing Peaches by Bowser at Fsy. That was all silly, but this one was actually serious. I wish I had recorded it so y'all could listen to it but I forgot. Sorry. It was a great experience though. I was shaking so much because I was nervous that it just sounded like I had really good vibrato. It was fun.

Pictures

- at the baptism

- Betsy's family. Yojanny made a bracelet for Peter!

- playing Monopoly deal by myself because everyone is sick of playing it with me

- Peter mailed me the coolest Lego set of the both of us together, now it's on my window. I love you PETER!!

Week 16: Do or do not, there is no try.

Fun fact, yesterday was Day 111 of the mission! Anyways, not much happened this week that I can write about, but I wanted to share a few things.

Interviews

We had one on one interviews with the president on the 8th of May, and it was a wonderful experience. We had zone conference the day before, and throughout it, I had written down questions and concerns that I had, and I shared them all with the President. The interviews are suppose to be 10 min tops, but I took 40-50 minutes of this time. He said it was worth it though, and I agree. 

As the next few days went on, I remembered something from the MTC. I talked about Elder Wilcox and told his story a while ago, and if you want to find it and re-read it, my Mom puts all my emails right here: https://elderwesleywride.blogspot.com/?m=1

But what I was reminded of was how Elder Wilcox had to suffer for 2 years before the miracle took place, and I believe that was because God wouldn't take it away until Elder Wilcox learned what he was supposed to learn, and became the man he was meant to become through that experience. For the past while, I've been like "God, why won't you speak to me like how you speak to everyone else? They all seem so sure, and I'm not." What came to mind was how God let's us walk alone when we can, because this is our journey. So instead of praying like, "God, why are you ignoring me?" I've been trying to be like "God, help me to learn what I'm supposed to be learning right now. Help me to be obedient, even though I don't feel it."

Do or do not, there is no try.

That leads me to my final thought, which is about what it means to actually do your best. I've often said "I'm trying to be obedient, I'm trying to stay focused, etc." But too often we use the word "try" incorrectly. We say "I'll try" as a way of really saying "I might do it, but if something else comes along, and I feel more like doing that, then I probably wont." We use the word as a way to make us less accountable. I have not been doing my best, or running as hard as I could. I've been like "OK, I'm going to try my best to do what I'm supposed to" And then when it's time to study Spanish, I feel more like scrolling on Facebook for a minute, and so I choose to do that. There is a difference between doing and trying to do. Doing means that you do it even when you don't feel like it, and that is what God expects from each of us. So I've recently recommitted, (we all recommit evert week) to just do it. I'm not gonna give myself leeway saying "I'll try" thinking that makes me less accountable. Sometimes you gotta just do it. When you go cliff jumping, you don't try to jump off, you just do it. It's the same thing with obedience. You gotta just do it, and you'll be glad in the long run. I probably talked too much, but hopefully this is useful for someone!

We played Disk Golf, and we threw some of our Frisbee into the wilderness, and I got destroyed while getting them. That's just the front of my face, but they got me everywhere. Mosquitos love me. Elder Rochelle threw his Frisbee into that river, but we managed to get it without getting in.

Week 15: Tornado

So this week's been kinda crazy, but I don't have tons of time because we were bust today.

Endoscopy

I mentioned in an earlier email how I choked on my steak at the Texas Steakhouse. Well that's happened about 5 more times since then, I just haven't wrote about it. One was even at a members house, and that was just embarrassing. Anyways, because it's been happening repeatedly, I called the mission nurse, and she apparently doesn't want the missionaries choking on their food, and so we've been working to schedule an endoscopy. Basically they're gonna check out what is up with my throat, and if something else is going on, or if I just need to chew better, and so I'll be cutting my meat real small until them. Of there's something up with my throat then I might have to get surgery on it, but I won't have to go home for it.

Tornado

We had a few tornado warnings, and although it didn't actually hit us (it hit towns nearby), we saw the clouds circling above us and we didn't wanna drive right under it, so we drove to the church and parked there. The weather was kind if crazy, and afterwards, I guess my mind was just elsewhere because I didn't see this stupid white pole and I scraped the side of the car on it, ripping off some black stuff. 

It was really embarrassing because it was my first day driving but that's OK. We're getting a new car tomorrow lol. The day after, the president told all the missionaries to go at the church because of the weather, and that was fun. We set up a fancy table and talked in British accents for a few hours, which was pretty fun.

Obedience

So, a quick thought. Through something my brother shared, I stumbled across D&C 58:6. Verses 3 and 4 are really good too, so go read those, but verse 6 says this. 

Behold, verily I say unto you, for this cause I have sent you---that you might be obedient, and that your hearts might be prepared to bear testimony of the things which are to come.

I liked this because I've been focusing too much on receiving a witness, and not enough on being obedient. But you very rarely recieve your witness or your testimony if you haven't been doing your best to keep the commandments. This is because until we need to prepare for it, because the testimony and the witness we recieve will demand a lot from us. If you're not ready for the witness, you won't get it, and you become ready to recieve it by keeping the commandments. God wants to give you the weight of his glory, but he doesn't want it to crush you. This is why we have to work so much, so that we're strong enough for it. The Crown of Glory is coming, but only to those who have prepared themselves for its weight.

Also, I ate that cricket!