Week 9: Frenche and God

Sorry guys, it's been a busy P-day, so I'm sending this late, and it'll be shorter than normal. We had a zone P-day, so all the missionaries in the Abilene zone went to the zoo, because that's the only attraction in Abilene. There is literally nothing here, lol. I got peed on by a Bobcat at the zoo. It only got a tiny bit on my shoe, but still. It caught me off guard.

Language

So, Elder Rochelle told me how at week 3, he wanted to speak only Spanish. Solo Español, and I was reluctant but agreed because it's good for me. We were supposed to do that at the MTC, but we weren't that diligent in it. But today, when we officially started week three, we started speaking only Spanish, for all the small talk conversation. Our talks aren't as deep anymore, but that's fine. We talk in English with the English missionaries and when we meet English people, so I'm not totally Spanish, but when it's just us, it's only Spanish, and it's been good.

Money and lactos

Budgeting is important. I did not handle the money I was given as well as I should have and so I'll be a little bit hungry this week, but that's OK. That's all I'm gonna say, but yeah. The mission obviously gives you lots of life skills. Also, I might be Lactose intolerant. Still not sure, but if I am, it's not severe. I was gonna go dairy free for a week to find out for sure, but after the zone meeting today, they had cookies n cream ice cream...

Frenche, and Spiritual Thought

So I had a crazy personal study on Friday, and then we had a crazy comp study. I can't talk about everything, because I still gotta write in my journal tonight, and I'm short on time. So we talked a lot about understanding, and how to get to the celestial kingdom, which is basically the main goal of the Gospel, because it's only in the celestial kingdom that we can love with God and with eternal families. Anyways, a little backstory, there's this guy named Frenche who we've visited a few times, but we had to drop him last week. I almost wrote about it, but decided not to. He is an interesting guy. He started "speaking in tounges," but really he was just shouting gibberish which was interesting. He's a major smoker and drinker, but he says he is so close to God and knows he's saved. He's like 76, commanded a navy ship, killed 7 people, and he says he doesn't believe in religion (because it's mad-made), but he still keeps having us over. It's mainly because he's lonely, and just wants people to talk to. We've taught him a few things, and he has read some of the Book of Mormon, but he's also always high when we see him, so idk how much has been getting through. He loves me, but hates Elder Rochelle. I could get more into details, but there are all the basics. Anyways, we both agreed that we shouldn't visit him as much because he refuses to change, and he'll talk for hours, but won't listen to a word we say. We told him that the Gospel is all about becoming, and how our purpose is bring him closer to Christ, and how we wouldn't be able to visit him as much anymore because he hadn't been accepting our help. He got very upset, and for a sec he thought we were excomunicating him, even though he's not a member, but its hard to explain things to him. He's not all there mentally. He started swearing at us, mainly Elder Rochelle, and he kicked us out of his house. He gave me a hug, because he likes me (kinda confused, he might be bipolar) but he was really angry with Elder Rochelle. Anyways, when we were talking about him during comp study, I had said "If he only understood, he would change." And then Elder Rochelle told me "we're responsible for our own understanding." Which really hit me hard. It's sad, because the Gospel is the way to find joy, and you're happier when you live it, but too many people just won't even give it a chance. They don't understand, and they don't bother trying to understand. In 2 Nephi 32:4, it says: 

Wherefore, now after I have spoken these words, if ye cannot understand them it will be because ye ask not, neither do ye knock; wherefore, ye are not brought into the light, but must perish in the dark.

It's so true, and it's so sad. Here we are, walking around with the answers to the questions of the universe, and people say "I'm not interested" before they realize why we're there. But they've locked their hearts, and we can't force them to come to the light. As badly as we want to at times, we can't make them feel the joy of the Gospel. It made me realize a little bit more as to why God made this whole plan to begin with. He's searching for those of his Children who are willing to open their hearts, and are willing to wrestle with him. I learned something during exchanges. Isreal meand "He who wrestles with God." I thought that was so cool because we are gathering Israel. We're searching for, teaching, and gathering those who are willing to struggle, willing to wrestle with doubt, faith, and questions, and willing to someday become like him. You're responsible for how receptive you are. If you don't understand something, you're the one responsible for figuring it out. God put us here so he could sort out his children between those who are bad, good, and who love him enough to become like him. It takes work. If you're not willing to even begin looking for answers, how can you expect to receive them. God wants you to have an understanding, he wants you to know of his love for you, and he wants you to reach you Godly potential, but even more than that, he want's you to want it.

Nevermind, that wasn't shorter than normal. I got carried away writing, and now I'm gonna be late for bed. GOODNIGHT!

- Elder Wride

Week 8: Questions

I think my brother Ethan will be happiest to hear this, but I shed my first tears this week. I was getting pretty frustrated about some things, and I started crying a bit when I was talking about it to my companion, but I'll talk a little bit more about what was going on later. Anyways, I hope this doesn't get too personal, because I kind of treat my emails more like extra-long journal entries. 

Wedding and Baptism 

So, I think the biggest highlight for our area was the baptism we had. Bianca has been preparing for baptism for a while, but since she's English, the sisters (Sister Price, and Sister White) have been teaching her. But, in order to get baptized, she had to get lawfully married to this guy. Her now-husband was baptized when he was younger. Anyways, they were just gonna sign the papers, but then she wanted a whole ceremony, and props to Sister Price (she actually wants to be a future wedding planner), she prepared a wedding in 24 hours. It was low key super hype. There weren't a lot of people there, like just the family and us missionaries, but it was fun. Elder Rochelle made cookies, and I just showed up and danced a little bit. The next day she got baptized, and that was nice. She didn't receive the holy ghost until the next day, which was sunday. They did it in front of the whole congregation, like how we do baby blessings, and that was new to me, but it was good. She seems really happy. 

Legos

So at our apartment, there were two Lego sets just chilling there, and I claimed them as my own. There was an Indiana Jones one, and a knockoff ninjago one. I was really happy about the ninja set, and I promised Peter, Owen, and Daniel that I would find away to send it home for them, because they like ninjago. Sad news tho, an Elder came by and snagged it because the Elder who originally bought it wanted it back. I had no real rights to it, and so it's gone. If any of you guys wanna send a ninjago set to them, I won't be upset, although they're probably a little bit spoiled when it comes to Legos. But Peter is really cute, so you can spoil him. Sorry Dad!

Gettin' fit

OK, so I am a pretty fit guy. I'm kinda worried about serving here in Texas, because we've been eating a lot, and I got my suit pants a little slim, (listen to your mothers!) I'm worried I'll get fat, lol. It's all good tho, because Elder Rochelle loves to run in the mornings, and so we've been doing that. We've been on 5 runs so far. I sort of just follow him, and hope we don't run for too long, because my shoes suck, and it's tiring, but its been good for me, so I try not to complain TOO much. Anyways, on our last run, we ran 3.5 miles in about 40 minutes! I'm very proud of it, idk if it's impressive, but I'm well pleased. We've also been doing other workouts, but yeah. I think that if I keep this up for 2 years, I will come back looking very physically attractive. We went to a fitness place tho, and the lady said I need more water and protein, so I'll start doing that. 2 years to sexy, baby!

Struggles

OK, on a more serious note, this week has honestly been tough for me, hence the tears I mentioned earlier. It's interesting. Being here on the mission really makes you think. When you go around and are constantly telling people "I believe this and I know this," etc, you start to wonder, "Do I really believe this? Do I really know this?" I want to be honest with people, and so I took a step back, and I was like "OK I need go figure out what I really have a testimony on." Before the mission, I thought I knew, but on the mission, it's different. When I broke it down, I decided that I only know two things. I know the Book of Mormon is a good book, and that reading it makes you a better person. I know that there is SOME higher power. It bothered be a lot that I couldn't say I believe in a lot of other things, especially the things I thought I knew, which is why I got frustrated and started tearing up. Lol, my testimony ain't as strong as some of you think. For the next couple of days, I was sort of looking/praying for proof. I was like, "God, I need something that makes sense." I asked Elder Rochelle a bunch of questions, one being how you can come to know something is true. He said that you can just feel it, but I was like that isn't enough! I felt like a feeling isn't a witness. People feel lots of things all the time, and I just wouldn't accept it. When we were going to visit some people to teach, we were talking a bit more about it, and sort of out of the blue, and definitely out of pocket, he said "Be careful about sign seeking." The way he said it, I just knew that God was giving me a warning. It pierced my heart I think, and then I got kinda scared like, shoot, what if God DOES give me proof. What if he strikes me blind or mute or something. The fact that I got so nervous about it though, sort of reminded me that I do have a testimony, because I wouldn't be afraid of something that I didn't believe was real. Anyways, I didn't think I was looking for signs, but I kind of was. Elder Rochelle gave me a blessing. Thankfully, he did not strike me dumb, but I heard a few things that surprised me. I want share them all, I'll just share one. He told me how all my concerns and doubts were logical, but that I needed to remember something. He paused for a long while, and then he said God is a God of Logic. That honestly surprised me. I've been thinking how a lot of things just aren't logical. Like saying you know something based on how it makes you feel? That doesn't feel logical. But then I started thinking, OK how is God being logical. And then, during personal study, I found two scriptures. The first is Doctrine and Covenants 63:12:

Wherefore, I, the Lord, am not pleased with those among you who have sought after signs and wonders for faith, and not for the good of men unto my glory.

At first I was like, dang, God is disappointed in me, but the word "for" stood out to me the most, but I couldn't articulate why until I happened to read 2 Nephi 26:13:

And that he manifesteth himself unto all those who believe in him, by the power of the Holy Ghost; yea, unto every nation, kindred, tongue, and people, working mighty miracles, signs, and wonders, among the children of men according to their faith.

So why do we look for miracles, signs, and wonders? Is it so that we can increase or gain faith in Jesus Christ? No, I was looking for proof because I wasn't placing my faith in Jesus Christ. We see miracles, signs, and wonders based on our faith in Jesus Christ. If we're looking for signs FOR our faith, then we're placing our faith in the sign, not in him. If I had received a sign without putting my faith in Jesus Christ, I would've put more faith in the sign, not in him. That is why he requires faith in him for miracles, because if we receive the miracle without faith. It doesn't help us. The miracles still come, but don't put your faith in miracles, put your faith in him. Idk if that'll make sense to you guys, but it makes sense to me. Anyways, do that was the lesson I received this week, and so I'm going to practice that. I'll try to do better to obey and follow God even when I feel like he has in a way abandoned me. You've got to submit and commit. Choose now to follow Christ and put faith in him, even if you don't feel he is there with you. That's what I'll be working on, putting more faith in Jesus Christ.

Pictures

One comment, we went bowling today, and my name in the game was Peter. I'm sorry Ethan that I got such a low score. I was really terrible

Week 7 - In Texas

I know I put last week as week 7, but today is actually week 7 because it's exactly 49 days from when I officially "started" my mission, but it feels like day 1. Things are a lot different then they were at the CCM. Walking around there I was super happy and willing to talk to everyone, but that was because everyone there is a missionary and a member. It's a lot scarier trying to start friendly conversations when they are not friendly in return.

Spanish

So, the language thing here is interesting. There are so many immigrants, as well as Americans (obviously) because it's Texas. I'd say that for every person you talk to here, at least in my area, which is Abilene, there's a 50/50 chance that the person speaks English or Spanish.  And it's impossible to tell! So many people look Mexican, but speak perfect English, and so many people look American but don't understand a word.  I always feel so embarrassed when I say "Hola!" And then they're like "Hello!" So yeah it's hard to know which language to speak. My comp, Elder Rochelle (ruh-shell) speaks really good Spanish, so I'm learning a lot, and we listen to conference talks in Spanish every time we drive. Driving feels weird, for some reason it feels like missionaries shouldn't be driving. Maybe it's just because he's a kind of a crazy driver though. Tiwi keeps telling him to "check [his] speed"

Churches

So Texas is actually a lot like Utah in one way. All you have to do is drive, and after like 1 minute, you can find 5 different church buildings to attend. The only difference is that each building belongs to a different church. We're the buckle of the Bible belt, do pretty much everybody here is a Christian, but all different Christians. Honestly, I think it's harder to teach with this that with people who haven't heard of Christ, because they already have an opinion, and a lot of people are very confident and aggressive about their beliefs. I'm not that aggressive, so it's kind of hard for me. But, in blessings I've had, and in the scriptures, and in advice I've received, I keep noticing the word Bold. Like "Be bold." I feel like I have a good understanding of the gospel, and a testimony, but idk how I'm supposed to bring someone to our church when they're already dead set on their own religion, and are much more bold when saying it. I think God is trying to toughen me up by sending me here.

Church

On Sunday, I had my first Sunday in Abilene, TX, and it was actually really good. The first ward was in English, and we heard lots of powerful testimonies. I think one of the best things I heard was this guy went up and told about his conversion story. He had met with the missionaries before, and asked "how come the blacks had to wait so long to receive the priesthood?" And they didn't have an answer for him, and he was like "ha, gotcha." If someone asked me that, idk if I could answer it either, so I should study that more. He then talked a bit about the Book of Mormon, but mainly about the importance of having an open heart and an open mind. I'd you close your heart, it's impossible for the spirit to enter, because only you can let it in. He did say that once he read the Book of Mormon, and actually allowed himself to be taught, he learned so much, and God blessed him tremendously. God wants to bless us, and he is, but we won't see that if we put up our umbrellas. Anyways, I thought it was powerful. Then we had a Spanish ward, but there are so few people that we did it in the relief society room. The only family that came was a family we taught earlier,  they're not members, but they are curious, and have been taught a lot. They seem very receptive, and Elder Rachelle thinks we can get that baptized really soon. The Spanish meeting was really good. It was fast Sunday here, because they had stake conference last week, so I got to fast 2 Sundays I  a row. I bore my testimony in Spanish, and Elder Rachelle thought I did really good. He said he got a 1.7 on the LSA before he arrived, and I got a 5, so I've got a good head start. But yeah church was really good, I felt the spirit very strongly.

Spontaneous investigator

So Elder Rachelle and I were driving home, and suddenly he pulled over and was like "I feel like we gotta knock that door." So we walked to the door he wanted and knocked, and this guy named Antony answered. He asked us why we were there, and Elder Rachelle was like "because God told us to." That got him interested. Elder Rachelle told him how we were just driving home and he felt prompted to knock his door, and he answered. So we talked for a bit, and left him with the Book of Mormon, the new testament, and the address to the church. I thought that it was a cool experience, and so we'll see what happens.

Some thoughts 

So basically, it was a good week, but also pretty hard, and I honestly enjoyed not a lot of it. It's not how I expected it to be, and talking to people is a lot harder than it used to be. Elder Rachelle mentioned how everyone has a reason for coming on a mission, but as you go along, you need to find a reason to stay on the mission. I think that goes for all aspects of the gospel, you need to know why you live it. I need to figure out why I'm really here, and I need to discover how important it really is. I trust that it's important, because my life at home is so good because of the gospel, but teaching it to people out here is different.

Bella and Ethan

Ethan and Bella also got married this week!! So happy for them. I was sad I missed the wedding, and the awesome party, but there will be a few more coming around. When I get back, they're gonna be the most epic parties ever.

Apartment

So, the apartment I'm in with Elder Rachelle has not been very well kept, and it's low key nasty. There are cockroaches everywhere. I didn't expect that in America. One jumped into my beans during lunch, and I found one on my leg this morning. Some Elder also left the cinnamon toast crunch bag open, and so it was infested. I'll put a picture in. Everything you care about has to be sealed up. It's so nasty, we're gonna clean a lot today. I hate cockroaches. Also, one Elder gave me a rubix cube, so that's sick, and it's not in bad condition either, and there are two legs sets just chilling here at the apartment, up for grabs. And so I grabbed them. What's funny is I almost bought that same Lego set back home, and I wanted a rubix cube at the CCM, and a black fanny pack back home, and a ukulele, and I got all those things here in my apartment! Even though it's gross, I think it's funny how God blessed me with exactly what I wanted, I just had to get on my mission to get it. They're just small things, but still. And I don't actually have the ukulele yet, but a different Elder left it at a different apartment and he said he would call the elders there and get it for me. God blesses us, we just gotta be patient and do what he asks. He wants us to be happy, and the best way to find happiness is by living the gospel, keeling the commandments. Amen

Pictures: sorry, I didn't take to many this week, but I'll take more here. I'll also send some from the last moments of the CCM. Also there's no order to it, but the roaches Pic is in there.

I solved the Rubix cube in less than 49 seconds!

I was able to call my family on Saturday for Ethan's wedding. Here is Peter talking to me at the reception

Also, just had to send this because Katherine is just so cute

Week 6: Love One Another

Small Update

When I write my next email, I will be in Texas! The mtc is great, but I'm also itching to get to the field. T8his week was pretty hard for me, if I'm being honest. I spent a lot of time being angry and upset. I do love it here, but I had lots of bad moments too. The main reason was because of my companionship, but I will talk more about that later, for my spiritual thought this week. Anyways, sorry for writing too much, thank you to those who actually read what I write!

Language

Spanish has been really good. I've been learning a lot, but I've still got a lot of work to do. Every week, we take a language assessment test to see where we're at. They ask us to rate ourselves on some things, and then we record ourselves saying some stuff. We already thought that test was rigged, but I proved it this week. normally rate myself honestly, which is pretty low, but since it was our last one, I rated myself really high. I said I could basically speak perfectly, and then when I had to respond to questions, I got questions a lot harder than I usually do. One was about LGBTQ stuff, and the other was about if I was a plumber, and I had to find out what was wrong with your house, what questions I would ask. Although it was pretty bad, I actually answered the first question, but for the plumbing, I was like bruh, I'd struggle with that in English. So I took 3 seconds and said "¿Que es la problema en su casa?" I should've gotten a very low rating, but I guess confidence is key, because I got advanced. Lol, everyone thought it was pretty funny, because I'm definitely not advanced.

Ties

Well if you read the last email, you would know that I found some amazing ties at the temple store, but was unable to but them. I asked the lady to save them for a week, and she said she would, but only I believed her. We just barely left the temple, and at the store, she didn't save them.  She said that she tried, but it's a little sad because they were pretty ties. But, I brought money this time, and I found some other ties, that might even be better. So although I didn't what I originally wanted, I am happy. 

Sensitive Spirit

This week, I've got two spiritual thoughts, and they're both important. So on Sunday, two of the Hermanas in our zone asked me to give them a blessing, and so I did. I always get really nervous about giving blessings, but for both of them, I really did feel that God was putting words in my mouth. After we finished, I just felt so so happy. Happiness is the natural result of being close to God. When I went to bed that night, I said "God, I want to always feel like this." Then the next day, I was just talking to one of the Hermanas I blessed, and some other people. We were just talking, and trying to be funny, I made a joke. It wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that good or kind either. What I noticed was how I felt right after. Right after I said it, that happiness high I felt was gone. I felt embarrassed, angry, immature, and upset. And I was like "woah, it was just a joke." But I just felt bad, and compared to how I felt the day before, I was like "OK what happened?" And I knew right away that I had offended the spirit. I learned that the spirit is very sensitive, and we have to watch our thoughts, words, actions, and our hearts to know if we really have the spirit with us. In Alma 37:36, it says "let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord." Are we really doing this? When we do, think, or say things, we need to keep in mind where those things come from. Are they really Christlike? Or are they not? If they aren't, where do you think they come from? We need to be aware of ourselves, and who we're listening to. If we're not listening to the savior, who else is there to listen to other than Satan? They're both always talking to us, trying to get us to follow them. The different is that one is good, and one is bad. Why not just choose to be good?

Love One Another

OK, I was pondering what to call my email, and I was gonna just call it "Love" because that was my biggest lesson this week, but then I remembered how last Sunday, the Hermanas in our district sung love one another for sacrament meeting. It was beautifully done. So as I mentioned, things were not good in my companionship. I was noticing everything bad that they would say or do, and I let their attitudes determine how I felt. I feel like we should be more obedient to the rules, be better example for others, but most importantly, I needed them to stop complaining. I noticed one weakness of mine though, and that's confrontation. Although I've spent weeks feeling like we've been lacking, I have barely been able to talk to them about it. I've tried to give lots of hints during devos and spiritual thoughts and stuff. I got two blessings from Elder Wilcox and Peterson in our house, and I felt like I needed to be more bold with my words, and I still do, but yesterday it hit me what I was really failing to do. I wasn't letting myself love my companions despite their flaws. For our house devotional, Elder Wilcox led it, and he told me how he was gonna share a message about love, in an effort to help my companions strive to be better. Although his message wasn't directed to me, I realized what I was doing wrong. Yes, it's important to be obedient, but you can still love someone despite who they are. God loves all of his children. Elder Wilcox shared a few personal experiences of where he made bad judgements based off of people at first. But then when he discovered who they are, and what they've been through, and he couldn't help feeling love for them. It's true. If you only knew what that person went though, and what they've struggled with, no matter who they are, you couldn't help but love them. I spent all week trying to fix my companions, when I really just needed to love them. I did talk with them for a while last night, and it was really good. It's important to be obedient, but if there is no love, you just won't have the spirit. The first great commandment is to love God, and the second is to love thy neighbor as thyself. It's a commandment. For one of my companions, since we're like polar opposites, I found it a little harder to just show love for him, and Elder Wilcox also helped me with that. He shared how God has an undying, unconditional love for all his children, even those who you really do not love, and that if we pray for it, God can bless us with a portion of that love. If you are struggling to love someone, ask God to bless you with some of them love that he has for them. It's so much better to just love people than be angry all the time. Jesus Christ said to love your enemies, so do it! You can really tell who is a true disciple of Jesus Christ, based on how they treat others.

- Elder Wride

Pictures:

1, 8, 9, 10, 11. Hermanas being weird

2. Hermano Bautista and I

3, 4. Hermana Carlton got a bunch of tiny Jesus's

5. District Circle

6. Funny photoshop Elder Wilcox made

7. Advanced

8 - 11