I think my brother Ethan will be happiest to hear this, but I shed my first tears this week. I was getting pretty frustrated about some things, and I started crying a bit when I was talking about it to my companion, but I'll talk a little bit more about what was going on later. Anyways, I hope this doesn't get too personal, because I kind of treat my emails more like extra-long journal entries.
Wedding and Baptism
So, I think the biggest highlight for our area was the baptism we had. Bianca has been preparing for baptism for a while, but since she's English, the sisters (Sister Price, and Sister White) have been teaching her. But, in order to get baptized, she had to get lawfully married to this guy. Her now-husband was baptized when he was younger. Anyways, they were just gonna sign the papers, but then she wanted a whole ceremony, and props to Sister Price (she actually wants to be a future wedding planner), she prepared a wedding in 24 hours. It was low key super hype. There weren't a lot of people there, like just the family and us missionaries, but it was fun. Elder Rochelle made cookies, and I just showed up and danced a little bit. The next day she got baptized, and that was nice. She didn't receive the holy ghost until the next day, which was sunday. They did it in front of the whole congregation, like how we do baby blessings, and that was new to me, but it was good. She seems really happy.
Legos
So at our apartment, there were two Lego sets just chilling there, and I claimed them as my own. There was an Indiana Jones one, and a knockoff ninjago one. I was really happy about the ninja set, and I promised Peter, Owen, and Daniel that I would find away to send it home for them, because they like ninjago. Sad news tho, an Elder came by and snagged it because the Elder who originally bought it wanted it back. I had no real rights to it, and so it's gone. If any of you guys wanna send a ninjago set to them, I won't be upset, although they're probably a little bit spoiled when it comes to Legos. But Peter is really cute, so you can spoil him. Sorry Dad!
Gettin' fit
OK, so I am a pretty fit guy. I'm kinda worried about serving here in Texas, because we've been eating a lot, and I got my suit pants a little slim, (listen to your mothers!) I'm worried I'll get fat, lol. It's all good tho, because Elder Rochelle loves to run in the mornings, and so we've been doing that. We've been on 5 runs so far. I sort of just follow him, and hope we don't run for too long, because my shoes suck, and it's tiring, but its been good for me, so I try not to complain TOO much. Anyways, on our last run, we ran 3.5 miles in about 40 minutes! I'm very proud of it, idk if it's impressive, but I'm well pleased. We've also been doing other workouts, but yeah. I think that if I keep this up for 2 years, I will come back looking very physically attractive. We went to a fitness place tho, and the lady said I need more water and protein, so I'll start doing that. 2 years to sexy, baby!
Struggles
OK, on a more serious note, this week has honestly been tough for me, hence the tears I mentioned earlier. It's interesting. Being here on the mission really makes you think. When you go around and are constantly telling people "I believe this and I know this," etc, you start to wonder, "Do I really believe this? Do I really know this?" I want to be honest with people, and so I took a step back, and I was like "OK I need go figure out what I really have a testimony on." Before the mission, I thought I knew, but on the mission, it's different. When I broke it down, I decided that I only know two things. I know the Book of Mormon is a good book, and that reading it makes you a better person. I know that there is SOME higher power. It bothered be a lot that I couldn't say I believe in a lot of other things, especially the things I thought I knew, which is why I got frustrated and started tearing up. Lol, my testimony ain't as strong as some of you think. For the next couple of days, I was sort of looking/praying for proof. I was like, "God, I need something that makes sense." I asked Elder Rochelle a bunch of questions, one being how you can come to know something is true. He said that you can just feel it, but I was like that isn't enough! I felt like a feeling isn't a witness. People feel lots of things all the time, and I just wouldn't accept it. When we were going to visit some people to teach, we were talking a bit more about it, and sort of out of the blue, and definitely out of pocket, he said "Be careful about sign seeking." The way he said it, I just knew that God was giving me a warning. It pierced my heart I think, and then I got kinda scared like, shoot, what if God DOES give me proof. What if he strikes me blind or mute or something. The fact that I got so nervous about it though, sort of reminded me that I do have a testimony, because I wouldn't be afraid of something that I didn't believe was real. Anyways, I didn't think I was looking for signs, but I kind of was. Elder Rochelle gave me a blessing. Thankfully, he did not strike me dumb, but I heard a few things that surprised me. I want share them all, I'll just share one. He told me how all my concerns and doubts were logical, but that I needed to remember something. He paused for a long while, and then he said God is a God of Logic. That honestly surprised me. I've been thinking how a lot of things just aren't logical. Like saying you know something based on how it makes you feel? That doesn't feel logical. But then I started thinking, OK how is God being logical. And then, during personal study, I found two scriptures. The first is Doctrine and Covenants 63:12:
Wherefore, I, the Lord, am not pleased with those among you who have sought after signs and wonders for faith, and not for the good of men unto my glory.
At first I was like, dang, God is disappointed in me, but the word "for" stood out to me the most, but I couldn't articulate why until I happened to read 2 Nephi 26:13:
And that he manifesteth himself unto all those who believe in him, by the power of the Holy Ghost; yea, unto every nation, kindred, tongue, and people, working mighty miracles, signs, and wonders, among the children of men according to their faith.
So why do we look for miracles, signs, and wonders? Is it so that we can increase or gain faith in Jesus Christ? No, I was looking for proof because I wasn't placing my faith in Jesus Christ. We see miracles, signs, and wonders based on our faith in Jesus Christ. If we're looking for signs FOR our faith, then we're placing our faith in the sign, not in him. If I had received a sign without putting my faith in Jesus Christ, I would've put more faith in the sign, not in him. That is why he requires faith in him for miracles, because if we receive the miracle without faith. It doesn't help us. The miracles still come, but don't put your faith in miracles, put your faith in him. Idk if that'll make sense to you guys, but it makes sense to me. Anyways, do that was the lesson I received this week, and so I'm going to practice that. I'll try to do better to obey and follow God even when I feel like he has in a way abandoned me. You've got to submit and commit. Choose now to follow Christ and put faith in him, even if you don't feel he is there with you. That's what I'll be working on, putting more faith in Jesus Christ.
Pictures
One comment, we went bowling today, and my name in the game was Peter. I'm sorry Ethan that I got such a low score. I was really terrible
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