Week 21: Agency

Sorry guys, I don't have a lot to write about this week. I rear ended a car today though. Kind of embarrassing. Dad, correct me if I'm wrong, but I felt like I was a pretty decent driver before the mission, but man, I've been struggling on the mission. My first day driving, I scraped up the side of the car on a pole, and the door had to get replaced. Today, although I was distracted, I stopped in time that I did hit the car, but there was no damage done to our car. Thank goodness, because its brand spanking new. The guy I hit got a little scratch, but he was chill about it and said it was fine. The only issue is now I'm teased for bad driving.

Cool things that happened

So we don't have a ton of Spanish people that are progressing, except for Josué. He's the first person I've taught in Spanish that actually came to church after we invited him to come! Also, while we were doorstep teaching this one guy, this kid walked passed us with his lawn mower and was like "Hi how are y'all?!" And then when we went back the next day to visit someone who told us to come back, we saw the kid again. The guy we tried to talk to wasn't home, but the kid ran up to us like "I've seen guys like you everywhere, what do y'all do?" And we told him how we're missionaries for Jesus Christ, and he told us to come to his house and teach him, so we're going back today. I've never had someone run up to us and ask us to teach them though, and so that was cool.

Another thing, we talked to a group of Spanish men just drinking, cooking meat, and playing cards, because one of them was a referral. While talking to then, we found that another guy in the group had also put in a referral, and it was actually a wonderful lesson. They asked so many deep questions, and we found 5 people in that moment. We've been praying to reach our finding goal this week, which was 5, so that was cool.

Agency

This is just something I've been thinking about and trying to figure out. There are some things, many things, where I just know I'm not doing my best. There are many many things that are asked and expected of us as members and missionaries of the church, and some things I just haven't been doing and don't really want to do, but I know I should. I've been wondering, why can't I just do my best? And with some help, it led me to a question. Does Christ help you to do things that you can do for yourself, but you're just not feeling like it? A popular poem is footprints in the sand, and it talks about how Christ carries us through our hardest times. And honestly (hot take here) it doesn't quite ring true to me because I've never felt that. I feel like I've never been carried. I think I've been nudged, and probed and poked, but normally, I just feel nothing. I'd be interested to hear what y'alls thoughts are. But one of the things my Dad said, was

"So I feel like you’re sort of asking why the Lord doesn’t interfere or intervene a bit more to do this work you’re supposed to be doing – why not more guilt for mistakes and more joy when you’re doing what you should be doing? Well, it’s up to you – you know what to do – and now you have the freedom and time to decide what it is that you want. It is unlikely that you’ll be compelled."

And I feel like this rings true, but I also don't like it. Agency is sort of a pain sometimes, because I don't like having to make my own decision when I really want to choose the easier one, the wrong one. It'd be nice to feel more guilt when I mess up and feel more joy when I'm doing good, that way I'd feel more motivated to be obedient. But I think God is intentionally leaving me hanging. I've been asking God to help me change my heart so that I no longer long to do what's wrong, but sadly, I think this is part of the process. I'm being left to my own devices, and given the opportunity to choose for myself. You get to choose where you put your heart. God doesn't want people who only follow him for the blessings or only because he tells them to, he wants his children to follow him because they want to follow him. He wants us to choose to do what's right simply because it's right. Idk, let me know y'alls thoughts, I really learn a lot from your emails.