Week 18.5: Without Jesus, there is Nothing.

Sorry y'all, I don't really have time to write a whole bunch. Also all the days sort of blend together, so I don't even really remember what happened this week, except Elder Rochelle and I went 3 full days speaking only spanish (i dont know how you foreign missioanries do it). My head hurt baaaddd. But, this week is transfers, and so P-day was changed to today! Elder Rochelle is leaving me, but I hear my new companion is really cool. We got lots of pictures this week because Elder Rochelle was saying a bunch of final goodbyes, so you guys will get to see some more of the people we're teaching!

Spiritual Thought

I think that this is all that I really have time to share, but I did a lot of thinking and writing (per usual). One thought I had was about what kind of witness I'm looking for, and where I'd be getting it from. I've been praying for a witness that it is either true, or a witness that it isn't. As I thought about this, I remembered something my brother Ethan said. "Without Jesus, we're all screwed." And the fact that Without Jesus, there is nothing, took on a whole new meaning. How would it be physically possible to receive a witness that the church isn't true. Because if it isn't true, then there is nothing for me to receive a witness from. If we are all just floating on a ball in space, then there'd be no way for me to find out the church was true, because you can't get a confirmation from something that doesn't exist. So the only reason I would ever claim that it isn't true, is if I gave up in searching. So basically, don't give up. Too many people have claimed that this is true for it to just be tossed aside. And if it's true, it's worth the pain.

Zone miracle

So another cool thing, at the beginning of the transfer the ZLs and STLs promised everybody in the zone that if we practiced Daily repentance, that we would have 18 people either baptized or on date by the end of the transfer. Two days ago, we were at 16, and we were able to put our friend Erick on date, and the two sisters in our District put two of our other friends on date. So we got 19. It was just really cool because it was a scary goal to have, and a big promise. But when someone prayerfully promises you something, you can expect it to come true if you put in your real best effort. God's promises are his, and he cannot lie.

I think it's really funny to take the picture before everyone is ready.

- Elder Wride

Week 17: Wood before Fire

Striking the match (spiritual thought)

So, I've been sort of struggling a bit with a few things. Today, when we called our families, I spent 3 hours just talking gospel stuff, and all of my concerns. I normally like to keep my thoughts to myself, because I want to figure things out before I speak sometimes, especially when they are about things of possible eternal consequence. But I decided to let all my family into my head. Everyone shared different thoughts, opinions, and perspectives, and it was very helpful. So first lesson, talk about things, because we learn from each other. If I'm being honest, I've been fasting, praying, and studying trying to have a manifestation that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer, and the Savior and Redeemer of all mankind. I want to know for myself that Jesus Christ really is who everyone says he is, and that this is actually his church. I've been getting kind of frustrated because I feel like nothing is happening. One thing my Dad said first though, is that if he were God, he wouldn't give me a manifestation yet either, because I'm not ready for it. He said it seems like I'm holding back, and I think I am. He asked how I would react if I got a manifestation, and I honestly said I'd be pretty depressed because then I'd be obligated to do all that is expected of me, and actually give my whole soul to the gospel. And that was something I've already been thinking about, but my dad put it into words perfectly. He said 

"I think if I were going to light a fire, I'd like all the wood and kindling ready before I strike the match."

I've been asking for God to strike the match, and give me the witness I desire, but I am not really ready for it. My dad gave me an invitation, that I've been trying to do, but can do better at, which is stop caring about yourself and what you want, and just get lost in loving the people. It's easier said then done, but I've definitely been thinking more about myself than anyone else, and more about what I need than what our friends need. So that is my new/resurrected goal is to do just that. I'm going to start placing more wood in the fireplace by just doing my best to love and help the people here, and then trust that the match will strike when I have been sufficiently prepared to receive it. I'll receive the witness when I'm ready to act on it.

Baptism 

We had two baptisms, Cristian (10) and Yosmary (9). They are both just really intelligent, and exciting kids. They're always bouncing around and they always have so much to say. It was a fun day. Elder Rochelle was going to baptize Yosmary, and I was going to baptize Cristian, but as we were both changing, Elder Rochelle said he felt like I should baptize them both. So I did, and they both seemed very happy and excited. On Sunday, they both also received the Gift  Holy Ghost.

Singing

I sung "Oh my Father" in sacrament meeting. One of the Elders, Elder Schoeny asked me if I could join him in the musical number, and I said sure! I'm trying to be righteously impulsive and not turn down missionary opportunities. It was my second time actually performing in front of audience, but the first time was singing Peaches by Bowser at Fsy. That was all silly, but this one was actually serious. I wish I had recorded it so y'all could listen to it but I forgot. Sorry. It was a great experience though. I was shaking so much because I was nervous that it just sounded like I had really good vibrato. It was fun.

Pictures

- at the baptism

- Betsy's family. Yojanny made a bracelet for Peter!

- playing Monopoly deal by myself because everyone is sick of playing it with me

- Peter mailed me the coolest Lego set of the both of us together, now it's on my window. I love you PETER!!

Week 16: Do or do not, there is no try.

Fun fact, yesterday was Day 111 of the mission! Anyways, not much happened this week that I can write about, but I wanted to share a few things.

Interviews

We had one on one interviews with the president on the 8th of May, and it was a wonderful experience. We had zone conference the day before, and throughout it, I had written down questions and concerns that I had, and I shared them all with the President. The interviews are suppose to be 10 min tops, but I took 40-50 minutes of this time. He said it was worth it though, and I agree. 

As the next few days went on, I remembered something from the MTC. I talked about Elder Wilcox and told his story a while ago, and if you want to find it and re-read it, my Mom puts all my emails right here: https://elderwesleywride.blogspot.com/?m=1

But what I was reminded of was how Elder Wilcox had to suffer for 2 years before the miracle took place, and I believe that was because God wouldn't take it away until Elder Wilcox learned what he was supposed to learn, and became the man he was meant to become through that experience. For the past while, I've been like "God, why won't you speak to me like how you speak to everyone else? They all seem so sure, and I'm not." What came to mind was how God let's us walk alone when we can, because this is our journey. So instead of praying like, "God, why are you ignoring me?" I've been trying to be like "God, help me to learn what I'm supposed to be learning right now. Help me to be obedient, even though I don't feel it."

Do or do not, there is no try.

That leads me to my final thought, which is about what it means to actually do your best. I've often said "I'm trying to be obedient, I'm trying to stay focused, etc." But too often we use the word "try" incorrectly. We say "I'll try" as a way of really saying "I might do it, but if something else comes along, and I feel more like doing that, then I probably wont." We use the word as a way to make us less accountable. I have not been doing my best, or running as hard as I could. I've been like "OK, I'm going to try my best to do what I'm supposed to" And then when it's time to study Spanish, I feel more like scrolling on Facebook for a minute, and so I choose to do that. There is a difference between doing and trying to do. Doing means that you do it even when you don't feel like it, and that is what God expects from each of us. So I've recently recommitted, (we all recommit evert week) to just do it. I'm not gonna give myself leeway saying "I'll try" thinking that makes me less accountable. Sometimes you gotta just do it. When you go cliff jumping, you don't try to jump off, you just do it. It's the same thing with obedience. You gotta just do it, and you'll be glad in the long run. I probably talked too much, but hopefully this is useful for someone!

We played Disk Golf, and we threw some of our Frisbee into the wilderness, and I got destroyed while getting them. That's just the front of my face, but they got me everywhere. Mosquitos love me. Elder Rochelle threw his Frisbee into that river, but we managed to get it without getting in.

Week 15: Tornado

So this week's been kinda crazy, but I don't have tons of time because we were bust today.

Endoscopy

I mentioned in an earlier email how I choked on my steak at the Texas Steakhouse. Well that's happened about 5 more times since then, I just haven't wrote about it. One was even at a members house, and that was just embarrassing. Anyways, because it's been happening repeatedly, I called the mission nurse, and she apparently doesn't want the missionaries choking on their food, and so we've been working to schedule an endoscopy. Basically they're gonna check out what is up with my throat, and if something else is going on, or if I just need to chew better, and so I'll be cutting my meat real small until them. Of there's something up with my throat then I might have to get surgery on it, but I won't have to go home for it.

Tornado

We had a few tornado warnings, and although it didn't actually hit us (it hit towns nearby), we saw the clouds circling above us and we didn't wanna drive right under it, so we drove to the church and parked there. The weather was kind if crazy, and afterwards, I guess my mind was just elsewhere because I didn't see this stupid white pole and I scraped the side of the car on it, ripping off some black stuff. 

It was really embarrassing because it was my first day driving but that's OK. We're getting a new car tomorrow lol. The day after, the president told all the missionaries to go at the church because of the weather, and that was fun. We set up a fancy table and talked in British accents for a few hours, which was pretty fun.

Obedience

So, a quick thought. Through something my brother shared, I stumbled across D&C 58:6. Verses 3 and 4 are really good too, so go read those, but verse 6 says this. 

Behold, verily I say unto you, for this cause I have sent you---that you might be obedient, and that your hearts might be prepared to bear testimony of the things which are to come.

I liked this because I've been focusing too much on receiving a witness, and not enough on being obedient. But you very rarely recieve your witness or your testimony if you haven't been doing your best to keep the commandments. This is because until we need to prepare for it, because the testimony and the witness we recieve will demand a lot from us. If you're not ready for the witness, you won't get it, and you become ready to recieve it by keeping the commandments. God wants to give you the weight of his glory, but he doesn't want it to crush you. This is why we have to work so much, so that we're strong enough for it. The Crown of Glory is coming, but only to those who have prepared themselves for its weight.

Also, I ate that cricket!

Week 14: get to work

Hey guys. This is the first week where I don't really feel like I have a lot to share. This week has been good, but I don't really have anything crazy to say.

Spanish

We made a Spanish plan, because speaking spanish the entire day was just not working. We have recommited to doing an hour of Spanish study every day, and speak only Spanish from 6-9 everyday. Some days are better than others still, but overall, we're on a positive slope. 

Just start talking 

Also our comp unity is getting a lot better too. When I've wrestled with things, and when I have lots if questions and concerns, I tend to like to keep it in my own head, so that I don't have to share something so personal, but some things you just need to talk about. I don't wanna put exactly what it was in my email because idk who reads these, but I have got some questions I feel are going unanswered. Elder Rochelle kind of made me talk, which as annoying at first, but I felt better after talking. I didn't share everything, but the things I did share, I felt a lot better after sharing them. Even though none of my questions were answered, and nothing changed, I just felt better after having shared some of my thoughts. So when you're upset, talk to someone.

Baptisms

We are teaching a family, and all of then are wanting to be baptized and are working towards it, but the 3 kids in the house were the first go set a baptismal date, but it was in october... kids. One of the Girls wanted to be 10 before she got baptized, and a few other things, and then we told them how we all will not be here in october. And they decided they wanted us there more than they wanted to be older, so now they're getting baptized in 3 weeks!!

Zoo

We went to an abandoned zoo for P-day, and that was pretty awesome. There isn't much to do here for P-days, so we had to drive quite a ways, but it was worth it. It was a cool zoo, but it didn't really look like a zoo anymore, and then we also threw rocks into a body of water and walked through the walk of the dam holding the water, and it was fun to walk through it.

Spiritual Thought 

This'll be a short Thought, but it's something my Dad said that I thought was very profound. He mentioned how Jesus called his apostles while they were out fishing. They were busy. And so Jesus calls us to the work when we're working, but when we're being lazy and idle is when Satan calls us. It's when we're not working, when we're being lazy when Satan attacks because we're baking ourselves vulnerable. It's when you're working that you are blessed and strengthened. It is hard to work when you don't feel it, but it's once you've started working that the feeling comes. That's what I'm told, and I'm trying to discover it for myself, but I'll keep you posted.

Also, Peter made me out of Legos!! Isn't that the cutest thing ever!! I love the blue tie and the black tag, so way to go buddy!

Week 13: Who's on the Lord's side? Who?

Introduction

Ok, not too much happened this week other than the big meeting. I thought about how much was appropriate to share, and I think I'll give a little bit of context, but I'm gonna focus more on what I learned rather than talk about the extent of the situation here.

A day of Choosing

So we had a meeting yesterday with the entire mission. All 170 missionaries met together because of some issues that came to light to the president. I won't say a lot of what was said here, but there has been a culture of disobedience here, and it became serious enough that some missionaries were sent home. It was serious enough that Elder Schmutz, of the seventy came down to address and correct all the issues in the mission, sent by the 12. He addressed a lot of scriptures that I'll talk about, because they're all really good. You don't have to read then all, because there are a lot, but I'm gonna share my thoughts of each one. Everyone in the room who was willing, raised their hands and promised to stand with Christ, to strictly obey the Standards for Disciples of Jesus Christ, to hold each other accountable to those standards and to encourage each other to draw closer to the Savior instead of further away from him. Now I don't wanna say too much else about the meeting, but it was a day of Choosing. Who's on the Lord's side? Now is the time to choose. Now is the time to show.

Called and Chosen

He shared mang scriptures, and I'll make a list of all the scriptures he referenced if you want to study them, but I want to share a few that emphasized the difference between being called and Chosen. 

D&C 95:5-6 said that many are called and few are chosen, and those who are not chosen are walking in Darkness at Noon-day. It was a powerful reminder that when we are living without the spirit, we're the ones missing out. There is so much light right now, especially in the field. We are promised miracles, but if we are not faithful and worthy, we'll be left in darkness.

D&C 105:35

There has been a day of calling, but the time has come for a day of choosing; and let those be chosen that are worthy.

Among the many things he shared, he called this a day of choosing. Now was the day for us to choose who we're going to be. We've all been called to the work. We've all been called to the gospel. We've all been called as missionaries, even without a tag. We've all been called, but we need to choose today if we're going to be worthy. We get to choose if we're chosen. It's funny, it's a day of Choosing in two ways. The day we choose to obey God is the day he chooses to guide us. Once we commit and choose to obey God, he blesses us with his spirit and with the powers of heaven.

D&C 121:34-37

I won't talk all about this one, but please read it. It talks about how we become chosen. But a key point is the heavens are open, we know that, but you have to strive to be righteous or the heavens withdraw themselves from you, and you miss out.

Luke 9: 57-62

This one struck me hard because it'll be the hardest for me to apply and accept. Go read it before you read what I say, because Jesus says it better. "No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is not for the kingdom of God." Don't look back. Don't give yourself reason to delay or not be 200% committed. Don't worry about hurrying the dead if it delays preaching the kingdom of God. Don't worry about saying goodbye or reminiscing in who you used to be, just let it go. Once you've found God, once you've begun the work, you have to surrender to God's will and begin pushing the plough. Do not look back, do not delay, but go forward in this great cause. Nothing is more important than bringing to pass the eternal life of man.

All the scriptures referenced:

Judges 7:4-7 (I can explain this one more if needed, because it can be kind of confusing at first)

Matthew 7:21-24

Luke 9:57-62

1 Nephi 2:14

1 Nephi 3:5-7

Jacob 2...

Mosiah 21:14,16

Alma 5-6

D&C 95:5-6

D&C 100:7-8

D&C:39-41

D&C 105:35

D&C 121:34-37

Anyways

Sorry for sharing so much from the scriptures, but I'm not really sorry because they're the scriptures!! And you should be studying them. I wish I could've gone through all of them but I don't wanna be overbearing, and I don't wanna run out of time. For my personal study the night after the meeting I went through all of those scriptures, and I learned a lot and I know you can too. Basically, strict obedience brings miracles, and the culture of this mission changed on Monday. We have all been called to serve him, but now we're beginning to be a chosen people. Guys, PLEASE don't walk in darkness, because you're mission out. There is so much light to the gospel and it's everywhere, if you'll just open your eyes and open your heart. Just let in the Gospel, and choose it. It's a choice, and everyone must have their day of Choosing. When that day comes and what you choose is up to you. Please choose the right.

Family back home

Some exciting news, Joseph is now engaged!!! Go buy him and his fiancé Eliza a Lego set or something because they're amazing. Lol j/k, I don't think they want Legos right now. So I guess I'll be missing at least 2 weddings while on the mission, maybe more... it's sad but I'm so happy for Ethan and Joe. Everybody please leave Mel and Hyrum alone though, I don't want them to get snatched yet because then I'll have to miss more dance parties...

Emails

So my mom is great, and she is saving all my emails into one place. So this link has all my past emails:

https://elderwesleywride.blogspot.com/?m=1

Week 12.5: Go Forward

Introduction

Ok, so this week was the week of transfers, and just guess that means you can't have P-day on Monday, because they changed it to today! I put it as 12.5 because its been 1 and a half week. I will not be moving for transfers, so I'll get to work some more in Abilene, and try to help the Spanish group grow more.

Teaching the Pros (the Council)

Lol, so the stake president wants the members of the stake to be more united with missionaries in the work. It's a good thing, but how they decided to help make it happen was a little scary. The ZL's asked Elder Rochelle and I if we could teach the 3rd lesson (the Gospel of Jesus Christ) to the stake high council during their meeting. (blank stare emoji) Ngl, that was really scary. However the morning of, when planning how we were going to teach it we made some goated cutouts of the steps of the gospel, and the lesson was actually amazing! We talked about each principle and how it fuels the other ones, and it was really cool. When we talked about enduring to the end, I had a thought that I felt I should share about thinking celestial. We've been told that salvation is a personal matter, and exaltation is a family matter. And I shared how that means once you've found the Gospel you can't just hunker down and wait it out till the second coming. When you're on the covenant path, you have an obligation to stay on it, and hold others onto the path too. When they say a family matter, that means first your immediate family, but then also your ward family, and literally everyone. When you've found the Gospel, you have an obligation to teach it. If you've found the path, bring others to it and hold them on until they have the strength to hold on for themselves and hold others onto it with them. And if you haven't found it, go find it.

Family

So I wrote about the eclipse last week, and it was awesome. A lot of my family drove down to Dallas for the eclipse, and if I chose to I could've seen them. My mission president said he discouraged it, especially this soon in my mission, and so I chose not to. When they sent pictures of them coming, I honestly started to regret my decision, but it was the right move. I need to be focused. I think I could've handled it tho. It just would've been nice to give Peter, Katherine, Daniel, Owen, Natalie, Sophie, and Mom all a hug. I love my family. Anyways, we had zone conference, and during our lunch break, my Mom sent me a picture of Peter standing next my apartment DOOR! I was like what the heck!? So that was awesome, and all my little bros left me crafts that they made during conference, and I'll share Peter's because it's seriously adorable! I look sort of like sid the sloth and it is so funny. I love it. Anyways, my family drove through, and saw the area that I've been serving in. What's funny is our apartment was unlocked at the time so they literally could've walked in and seen everything. It was sweet tho, and it was nice to be like, "Wow, Peter was standing right here." He and Katherine took pictures in front of one of the water towers here, so I'm gonna get a picture in the same spot as soon as I can.

Swahili

So we met a swahili family. They're amazing, but really struggle with English. The Mom and Dad gave one son, and he speaks a little bit of English, and so does his Dad. Emanuel (the son has been our gift of tongues tho). Moses (the Dad) is amazing too. He's got an insane fore inside him, and they all came to church in the same week we met them. They're also reading the Book of Mormon, and we taught them the plan of salvation, and Moses said he's going to ask God if it's true. It was hard to teach them though because we don't speak Swahili, and part of me was like "you should learn swahili," but also I'm trying to learn Spanish right now. It's tough, but they're amazing, so we're gonna keep teaching them, also because we don't have Swahili Missionaries here (yet).

Spiritual Thought on Bings

So things have been going a lot better than at first on this transfer. Our mission president told us to listen to the Bings, and listen to the first one, not the second one that comes right after. Because when you have a positive thought, immediately right after, there is a thought that's just like "nah, don't do that." For me they haven't felt like Bings, because that implies you feel something or hear a little ding. Some other missionaries talk about "glowing doors" or how they just felt like "we NEED to go talk to that person." I haven't really felt anything like that, I've just been like, "well I guess we could knock that door, it's not a bad thing." That's how I've been deciding whether to follow through with my random thoughts or impulses. If it's a good thing, then let's just do it. No harm done, if anything comes out of it, it'll be good. So we have been a lot better especially this week at following those first "Bings" even though they haven't really felt like Bings to me. But God knows I'm trying, and I can't type all of everything right now, but too many things have just fitted so perfectly that I'm pretty sure that it was God planting those random thoughts in my head. He doesn't make certain thoughts really stand out though, it always feels like a "well its up to you decision." But why does God need to make a door glow, or need to make a person pull you in. If it's a good thing, just do it, and let what happens happen.

Spiritual Thought 2: GO FORWARD

Sorry, it's been a good week. When I called my Dad, we talked about some of my struggles, and then he mentioned how God's able to help us more, the more we try to do on your own. And even though I've supposedly already learned this lesson, I had to relearn it again so I could understand it at a deeper level. This week I've been trying to just go forward even though I feel like there's nowhere to go, and during one of my studies, I found myself in exodus studying Moses leading the people through the red sea. In Exodus 14:14-16 it says

14The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.

15And the Lord said unto Moses, Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward

16 But lift thou up thy rod, and stretch out thine hand over the sea, and divide it: and the children of Israel shall go on dry ground through the midst of the sea.

Just think about it, they are currently being chased by the Egyptians who are trying to kill them, and they are trapped in between a pillar of fire and the Red Sea. And what does God say "Wherefore criest thou unto me?... go forward." Basically "what are you looking at me for!! Keep walking. Where are they supposed to go? They are stuck, and God just tells them to go forward? At the MTC, someone sent me the Prince of Egypt  movie, and I downloaded it, but I haven't watched it because I learned that it wasn't allowed. Its an amazing movie though, all of you should watch it this sunday. But anyways, I did watch the scene where they were trapped. And what I LOVE about this movie was how Moses started walking into the water. When he went forward, people were looking at him all weird, likely thinking "Wow, this guy's an idiot. Where does he think he's going? Does he expect us all to swim across?" But this is what God wants. He wants us to reach our breaking point and then some, because that is how we become true disciples of Jesus Christ. He didn't know how he was going to keep going, but God said "Go Forward." So he did. He started walking and then with the power that God gave him, he parted the Red Sea. I think that's so beautiful, and that power is in all of us. The question is are we willing to go forward when there is no where to go? Do we trust God as much as Moses does? We talk of miracles like the parting of the Red Sea, but do we really believe that God has that same power today. I'm trying to believe it. If God is the same today, yesterday, and forever, then we have that power in us too. If we are willing to trust in God and go forward, especially when there is no where to go, THAT is when God parts our Red Seas.

Pictures:

- Amazing quote, think about what it really means

- Siblings and water towers

- General Conference crafts, and Peter literally at my door!! Love them

- the Cats name is Kyle. She is a girl, but we keep forgetting cuz she's one of the guys

- our run the other day in a coole trenchish thing. We also found a homeless people village in a small forest nearby but I forgot to get a picture.